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A History Of Grieving In America


Stephen Landry
News Staff Writer

TEMPLETON  A morbid but fascinating aspect of local history was on living display over the weekend, as members of the Narragansett Historical Society presented their “Death Becomes Her” program, which offers visitors a look at how a 19th-century widow dealt with the mourning process after losing her husband in the Civil War.

Society member Virginia Strahan portrayed Persis Guile, a fictitious town resident whose husband, Jonathan, died in battle the day after they were married. Wearing a black mourning dress and veil, and clutching a Bible, Ms. Strahan spoke of the difficulties young widows of the period often faced for years after the death of their husbands. Women in that situation, Ms. Strahan explained, were often restricted from traveling around town, with the exception of family social calls and church-related events.

“There would be no time for any joy,” she said. “Women had to show respect for their departed spouses by remaining in deep mourning.”

Ms. Strahan explained that because remarriage would not have been an option — at least for several years — most widows of the era would have relied on their family for financial support. She said some women often put their sewing talents to use in an effort to generate some kind of income.

After the requisite two-and-a-half years of proper deep mourning, a widow in the 1860s could move on — slightly — with her social life, and replace her black clothing with various shades of gray, according to Ms. Strahan. During this period of “light mourning,” women might even add a little white to their clothes.

 The program, which will run on Saturday and Tuesday throughout the month, presented the society with a chance to display its vast collection of mourning garments, according to president Brian Tanguay, who added that the show provided a fascinating look at what local society was like hundreds of years ago.

“When there was a widow, suddenly there was a girl (in town) who was experienced, probably had some money, and was on the market,” Mr. Tanguay explained. “So the men would wait out her mourning period before they started courting her.”

One of the more interesting discoveries about the era, according to Mr. Tanguay, was the prominence of wreaths made of human hair, which were used to mark the passing of loved ones at the time.

“After people would lose family members, they would create a flower out of their hair and put it in the wreath; after the next family member died, they added more hair to the wreath,” Mr. Tanguay explained.