Friday Humor: Unspinning The "€100 Bill" Or How The European Bailout REALLY 'Works'
By now everyone has heard the parable explaining
how the entire European bailout, courtesy of near-infinite fractional
reserve banking, can be taken care of using one €100 bill. Or so the yet
again flawed economist thinking went. Unfortunately, this was just a
parable, and a massively flawed one at that. As the below interaction
between a ZH reader and his broker elucidates, here is what this
idealized story would look like in the real world, that as we explained before, is drowning in about $21.2 trillion in excess debt.[ 2011 figures]
BROKER'S EMAIL:
It is a slow day in a little Greek village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.
The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.
The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.
The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.
The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.
MY REPLY:
XXXX I edited your bailout email a little to help make it more effective to clients, please see below.
It is a slow day in a little Greek village, planet earth.
The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner thinks about maybe beating the tourist to death, but decides to give him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and shoves it in his pocket.
He owes Piraeus Bank down the street €100,000 but has little intention of repaying it as his business has been contracting for several years.
That bank also has claims of €10,000 on a butcher's business, €50,000 on a pig farmer, €75,000 to a supplier of feed and fuel, but in turn owes €100,000 to EFG Bank which itself has fractionally reserved claims on a pub owner and a prostitute who bought two homes on 105% LTV among many others.
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, and asks for his €100 note back.
The Greek innkeeper asks "what €100 note?"
The German threatens to call the police.
The innkeeper says "go ahead, ask for my brother who's a Lieutenant down at the precinct, he'll help you out."
The German storms out back into the night, €100 poorer.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything.
However, the whole village is still buried in debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism at the thought that maybe the Germans really are that gullible.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.
BROKER'S EMAIL:
It is a slow day in a little Greek village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.
The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.
The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit.
The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.
The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism. And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.
MY REPLY:
XXXX I edited your bailout email a little to help make it more effective to clients, please see below.
It is a slow day in a little Greek village, planet earth.
The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner thinks about maybe beating the tourist to death, but decides to give him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and shoves it in his pocket.
He owes Piraeus Bank down the street €100,000 but has little intention of repaying it as his business has been contracting for several years.
That bank also has claims of €10,000 on a butcher's business, €50,000 on a pig farmer, €75,000 to a supplier of feed and fuel, but in turn owes €100,000 to EFG Bank which itself has fractionally reserved claims on a pub owner and a prostitute who bought two homes on 105% LTV among many others.
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, and asks for his €100 note back.
The Greek innkeeper asks "what €100 note?"
The German threatens to call the police.
The innkeeper says "go ahead, ask for my brother who's a Lieutenant down at the precinct, he'll help you out."
The German storms out back into the night, €100 poorer.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything.
However, the whole village is still buried in debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism at the thought that maybe the Germans really are that gullible.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how the bailout package works.
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